My message to you today….

one-amused-guide-queen-many-facesEven amongst those Who Should Know Better,  the received wisdom is that The Queen Never Puts a Foot Wrong.

Maybe its Lizzie’s shoes. ( this article explains that some poor fat  peasant actually breaks in the queen’s shoes and  – I shit you not – ‘The Queen does not perspire’ )

Or maybe….just maybe…this is She’s OUR PERFECT QUEEN all  part of the utterly risible establishment guff ? Part of the way the forelock tuggers constantly & relentlessly usher away  an inconvenient pattern of royal contempt for ordinary folk.

nicholas-witchell-large

Say what you like about royal reporters, Nicholas Witchell is a BLOODY GEM

Lets look at  oul’ Betty Windsor and her “faultless” Queening.

She Doesn’t Interfere In Politics : She’s completely neutral. In  a Lives In a huge mansion / surrounded by sycophants / loves hunting / staggering wealth given to her for nothing / embodies rigid hierarchy and sentimentalises class  inequality- kind of way. “Our”  neutral national figurehead is a green welly-ed range rover driving hunting shooting fishing type married to a xenophobic bully and daughter of ‘Alf Garnet in a Tiara‘ who is paraded about in diamonds and a golden carriage.

OK you can argue that’s just cultural politics. One doesn’t actually interfere in the political process does One ?  I mean….apart from the BBC’s revelation (followed by snivelling  apologetic retraction) about her lobbying the Home Secretary to arrest Abu Hanza ? And apart from the Scottish referendum ? And the sacking of the Australian prime minister ?

These are just the instances we know about. What does she moan about to bowing & curtsying  Prime Ministers in her weekly audience ?  ( think about that for a minute) Do you think that you’d make small talk about the corgis ? Lets face it. She can, and has, and will interfere in politics in ways we’ll never know about.

She’s Brilliant at Being Queen: Well, compared to  who? If your job is to wave and smile

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Never puts a foot – or arm -wrong.

for 40 minutes twice a week…she seems a bit….sulky looking to me.  Cold. Distant. Stiff. I don’t need my Head of State to be weeping and embracing like an X Factor Finalist, but it’s kind of weird that the only display of genuine emotion was when her taxpayer funded yacht was taken away.

All Elizabeth Windsor really has to do is not offend people for 40 minutes during her dull visits. During one of the many BBC tug-your-forelock-fests, the queen’s ‘legendary’  ( © all papers all the time, no evidence ) sense of humour was recalled as she referred to ambassador’s from another country as ‘a gorilla’ ( no racism there then ).  Clap. Clap. Clap. And lets face it, those sulky dull Christmas Messages are hardly a masterclass in charismatic communication.

1877-newspaper-headlines-palace-makeover-or-369m-splurgeEven on a practical side, she’s terrible at being Managing the Monarchy – that’s why you, and I, and everyone else is about to cough up  £369m to repair the palaces that she has let fall into neglect ( the Sovereign Grant is supposed to pay towards maintenance of palaces, not £8m helicopters for your idle grandchildren ).

She even had the cheek to try to take money from funds meant for the poor.

I have no problems with Elizabeth Windsor being elected queen, if that’s what the people want. But please don’t get your union jack knickers in a twist telling me she’s a brilliant queen. You’ve no idea if she’s a brilliant queen.

Davina might be better at waving, smiling and breeding than Regina. But we have no choice. Nothing to compare Mrs Windsor to.

So there you go.

Her Christmas Message will always be the same.

The message is always…. posh people are in control.  From the palaces you pay for, they’ll tell you that the army are great and that they’ve had a tough year.

This is tradition plebs,so don’t question it.

Merry Christmas !

 

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