Relentless royal rubbish…

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The pinnacle of british genes

The Windsor family  cost us an estimated £334m.

A couple of days a week, they do comfy cushion 45 minute visits  but it’s hardly Real Work

They feed their dogs steak from silver trays ( according to rank, even corgis are subject to snobbery ).

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Any colour, as long as it’s fawn

And now, fellow serfs –  bless your lucky forelock  – you are being offered the chance to Clean For the Queen. Get onto your knees Britain… for the approval of someone who believes that every single one of you are inherently and justifiably beneath her.

Not for your community, not for the environment, not for wildlife. But to impress a sour faced old  aristocrat who lives in a palace filled with servants.  Oh  whilst you’re  down there grovelling …can you grab that rusty Tennant’s Super can and those Wotsit wrappers…?

And just to underline the unimpeachable integrity of the idea,  Clean for the Queen sponsors include…McDonalds, Greggs, Wrigley, Costa – yeah shut your lefty critical mouth, you CANNOT criticise any of those companies for contributing to the  litter problem can you ? ( 3% of all litter is fast food related and chewing gum costs a fortune to remove).

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Wrigley, keeping the queens highway clean

Fair-pay-for-royal-cleaners

It’s also worth remembering that those who Did Clean for the Queen had to fight to get a living wage. Maybe she expected them to work for free too.

Occasionally, at Revolting Subject Rebel Command, I think that I’ve spotted the exhaust port in the Royal Death star, and with one republican X wing torpedo, the whole feudal circus will go kaboom ( Princess Leah is allowed to be a princess until the medals are dispersed, but then she must change her name to BunFace McGinty ). And Clean For the Queen feels monumentally  unjust.

Think about it – to bail out the banks ( = the super-rich) vast amounts have been cut from  essential front line services. The super-rich royals got a 29% pay rise last year. But local councils who clean up the streets ? Cuts, cuts, cuts. The whole Clean for the Queen idea is predicated on the failed ‘Big Society’ premise –  ruddy faced toffs at the top of the class pyramid cajole the underlings to clean up for their viewing pleasure ?

The taxes you pay no longer fund binmen and street sweepers – increasingly, it subsidises the lives of the super rich, the private jets, the unaccountable… [ good Monbiot article on tax here]. So services suffer. Clean up serfs. If you don’t a TV documentary crews  will turn up and mock the poorest in society for  living in squalor.

This isn’t directly the fault of the Windsors of course. But they’re part of this horrible,stinking, vile, social conditioning. Some will fall for it – the Keep Calm and Carry On deference is hard to root out from British culture. But  social media allows us to howl at the dumbness of such an approach, to say to the 70 mps – the very MPs who are cutting local authority cleaning budgets – show some concern for the ordinary people rather than sniffing around for gongs and publicity you shameless self centred imbeciles.

Here’s an alternative suggesting: Queen for the Clean Up – announce that the queen will be the last monarch, gently wind down all tax & state support for the Windsor family, give them a palace and couple of horses and let them live a yah lifestyle elsewhere.

Clean out the cynical anti-democratic House of Lords, the dusty posh landowners and sycophantic bauble chasers.

Get off your knees and clean up democracy.

Here. Sign a petition.

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THAT WILL DO IT !

EMBARRASSING TRANSPARENT PLEA FOR RTs: There are hundreds of uncritical  royal correspondents, hours of Ant n Dec fawning, BBC sycophancy, and  an army of civil servants paid for by your tax dedicated to selling the royal circus as harmless fun. So if you can share this post via Facebook or Twitter ( or elsewhere) then it’ll make you cyber Che Guevara.

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There’s no evidence oul Queeny is lovely….

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Little Maam

“She’s lovely” & “she seems really normal” are the two absurd responses from Forelock Tuggers Who’ve Met the Queen.

Of course, if the BBC stuck a mic under some plebs nose  and they scratched their head and announced “She seemed a bit cold and aloof and I didn’t enjoy feeling like a little person” then they’ll never make the daily 6 o’clock fawnfest. That’s the way vox-pops work – it’s about confirming a red courduroy establishment view and the less you know the about the subject the more weight is given to your response. It’s fundamentally patronising to viewer and person being interviewed (ergo it’s perfect for Royal Coverage)

Anyway, there it is.  A sacred totem of royal coverage.

The Queen, is lovely.

There’ll be the occasional critic of Charles, and even William these days, but the Queen is UNCRITICISABLE.

*clears throat*

Firstly, lets have some sympathy for ol’ Elizabeth. As Johann Hari wisely argues, Monarchy Damages Everyone the Windsor Family. She was walled up in a palace from the

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don’t buy The Sun. Written by the posh, to fool the thick, into hating the poor.

moment she was born.  Her uncle – the man who would be King – taught her how to salute the admired Mr Hitler whilst her father was reduced to stammering wreck  when he had to become King ( The Kings Speech is a well made film, but it is fiction ).

Being in the monarchy meant that Lizzy had no pals, didn’t go to school, and was not allowed to behave like a normal kid. She hung out with horses and corgis.  She was inspecting  military regiments by the time she was 16 (  I was slow dancing to Frankie Goes to Hollywood Power of Love with Sally McChristie in my Wranglers when I was 16 . And that was nerve wracking ).

But maybe that’s enough sympathy. This bizarre life warped her.

The Monarchy can’t have it both ways – you criticise the institution and people say “stop it… the queen is lovely’. You criticise the individual members of the Windsor clan and apologists say “it’s not fair to attack them”.

So lets look at some of the queen’s history for evidence of loveliness…

Consider this: When Charles was just 5 years old, the queen went on a royal tour for…6 MONTHS. Then, when she returned, she spent 4 days dealing with paperwork and then a day at the races before she saw poor oul’ Chuck – and then….SHE SHOOK HIS HAND. No wonder Charles is a dithering shuffling basket case.

For more evidence of prince charles’s ‘mummy’  see this Johann Hari article from Independent points out –

“Anthony Jay, who scripted the documentary Elizabeth R, explains: “She’s one of those people who is deeply unemotional. For people who are emotionally detached in that way, institutions become more important than families. The Queen’s children were handed over to nannies, and a kind of emotional cauterisation took place. Something was sealed off very early. For her, that is a strength. If she were emotionally involved, she couldn’t do her job.”

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*weeps*

Despite the cinematic revisionist history, the queen didn’t appear to be upset by the death of Diana, and in fact rigidly stuck to cold protocol until the Blairite government poked her ( Camilla like ) with it’s touchy feely  stick and told her to get her royal arse emoting. Dead daughter-in-law ?  Cold non reaction ( until told ). For royal yacht britannia – public weeping.

The press often celebrate her casual unpleasantness – with that wry-end-of-the-bulletin-newsreader-smirk…

For example, Royal protection officers  who’s  job description  -lets not forget –  is to throw their body onto a grenade if anyone were to attack the queen, made her “furious” by…er… nibbling some of the taxpayer funded nuts left out in bowls in Buckingham palace.

Then there are news stories such as this – the queen being so impatient she couldn’t wait for some toddlers to move aside for her jaguar – had  this been about any other aristocrat or celebrity, the tabloids would be lining up experts from the AA to condemn her driving. Instead the Mirror still managed to spin it as Brilliant Royals.

Then there’s the fact that she makes her family curtsy, bow and grovel to her and each other, as she strictly enforces etiquette and protocol. Most people give their granny a hug or at least make a nice cup of tea. The queen makes her family bow to her.

And just..generally. She never looks happy, she looks grumpy, bored, disinterested in the life of gilded privilege and opportunity she was born into. At least an elected head of state would be there of their own volition.

So anyway, every time someone opines The Queen Is Lovely. Stand up and shout  NO SHES HORRIBLE and slam the door as you leave the room. This will help the Republican cause enormously.

FINAL SCORE

Seemed Like A Lovely Old Woman 0

Seems Like a Damaged Old Snob 5

[ whiney voice: every day, almost every paper publishes some sycophantic drivel about the Windsor family. Please tweet & facebook this article as a pathetic act of republican defiance]

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Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1899

 

 

 

 

 

The magical Windsor Vagina.

To become the head of state in Britain, you basically have to emerge from the vagina of someone called Windsor. That’s yer qualifications right there.

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This woman made a cake of George. Brain like a sponge.

Ability, talent, intelligence, desire, diplomatic skills, wisdom, looks, popularity  – who needs these qualities in a head of state ? Not us ! We’ve got DAS WINDSORS. As I’m fond of blurting out after a few bottles of Frosty Jacks – the thickest, laziest, sleaziest royal is  automatically granted more influence & wealth than the hardest working, smartest, coolest working class kid could ever earn.

And by that I mean your kid too. This seems blatantly unfair. They know it.

So the royals like to pretend that they’re a diverse bunch. That there’s a rich  and diverse gene pool of talent surrounding the crown. As oppose to a bunch of unimpressive dim toffs spawned from one unremarkable family in the wealthiest part of London.

Charles Mountbatten Windsor is known as: His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.

The media often cravenly mutter “In Scotland,  where Prince Charles is Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 21.20.47known as the Duke of Rothesay…“. Er….to be honest, when I nip out for a pint in Glasgow he’s known as that useless tosspot in the barbour jacket.

Andrew Mountbatten Windsor – pretends his name is The Duke of York or In Scotland he’s called The Earl of Inverness. He’s not.  Of course if you want to use the less formal term you can call him The One With The Paedophile Friend Who Meets With Trafficked Young Girls For Disgusting Exploitative Reasons. See here.

William ( “Wills” ) is Prince William Arthur Philip Louis Mountbatten Windsor is  The Duke of Cambridge ( he doesn’t live in Cambridge). Harry has “WALES” on his uniform, but that’s not his name. The Duke of Edinburgh isn’t seen in Leith much.

Of course, even the  Windsors are a confection to keep  popular with the plebs. They were the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family until 1917, when they became the Windsors to hide their Germanic roots (this is pointed out not from xenophobia, but to highlight how certain Eternal Traditions are quickly ignored if it saves their skin ). I’d imagine the Mountbatten will be being discretely dropped….

They’re dull. They’re snobs. Despite a compliant media who do everything they can to create the illusion of a diverse and multiskilled dynamic royal family, reality bites.

They’re a bunch of dull old bores who sit on their arse most of the time. Prince Charles even has a cushion man to ensure his arse is comfortable.

Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 21.00.26And every time they complain about media intrustion into their private lives, remember that it is the monarchy is the one obsessed with bloodlines…

So who they sleep with…is fair game.

That’s the price one pays for insisting that the finest way to choose a head of state is to finda kinda regina vagina.

Please RT & Facebook Share. I don’t have relentless grovelling media toadys to disseminate such subversion…..]

 

 

 

 

Glasgow versus the Queen

In Scotland, there’s a bit of a smart thing going on.

1277678_608923449148847_770556601_oDuring the referendum Scotland started questioning everything, trying to figure out, from scratch What’s Important For A (Reborn) Country. And even though, in the end,  Scots opted to stay in the UK, the country had got the hang of the idea of interrogating the assumptions of the powerful.

This year, the Scottish Government completed a new hospital in Glasgow, the header_nsghc_wide_01biggest in the country. The entire £842m cost was  financed by the Scottish taxpayer, built on time, and without some lame brain PFI malarky. Glasgow, and Scotland is proud of it.

Then a rich old aristocratic woman shows up, who is doesn’t use the NHS, who sits on her arse eating swans in palace 345 miles from Glasgow… she stays for about 45 minutes, says nothing of interest, then pisses off and…..they Name The NHS Hospital After Her.

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Glasgwegian. RAGING WITH QUEEN.

Glasgow has an appalling health record, mostly as a result of poverty and vast inequality. But now,  as the stricken from Drumchapel, Castlemilk and Govan  gasp for help, they will be obliged to say take me to….The Queen Elizabeth University Hospital.

It’s like a sick joke. But, as airport bombers found out, Glasgow likes to put up a fight.

About a mile from the hospital, is Sunny Govan Community Radio, and  one if its broadcasters, John Beattie – who worked in the NHS for 10 years – felt annoyed enough to started a petition saying that “we the people oppose the new South Glasgow University Hospital being named after a monarch“, hoping for a few thousand signatures.

So far, over 13,500 people have signed the petition. ( please sign here)

Purple faced and pathetic,  NHS Glasgow Glasgow Health board hit back, claiming it was ‘an honour’ for staff & patients to meet the queen and have the hospital named after her.

Lets ask the staff then….. A senior Dr Keith McKillop wrote to the Glasgow Herald saying….

“Queen Elizabeth is the most potent symbol of the glaring inequalities in our society, a vivid representation of the growing gulf between rich and poor. The name of the new hospital is not unimportant. One of my other bits of paper is an honours degree in theology, so I’m qualified to know that symbols carry meaning, power and influence. I am reluctantly obliged to reinforce the illusion that our hospital, and therefore our health, is the charitable gift of a benevolent monarch to her less fortunate subjects.”

Dr McKillop goes on to say that the general feeling amongst staff  is far from being ‘honoured’ they are either indifferent or object to the name.

Contrary to recieved wisdom, some Doctors can write very clearly…he goes on…

79-140R0131T9523“The association of royalty with healing is a medieval superstition with no place in the 21st century NHS. How can I realistically encourage the people of Glasgow to take responsibility for their health and wellbeing, for self-improvement, when the renamed hospital perpetuates the ideal of an inflexible social order? It suggests they should take life as it comes and accept their subsidiary position. It quite literally subjugates its patients.

Bravo Dr McKillop !

So who made this crass offensive decision ?

Such was the controversy that Andrew Robertson ( OBE ! Ha ! ), the chairman of Greater Glasgow Health Board wrote to the Glasgow Herald, “explaining” that they couldn’t consider a range of different names for the hospital as it would result in disappointment for those who’s preferred names weren’t chosen (this is establishment patronising speak for It’ll End In Tears…).

He claimed that Senior staff and senior nurses ‘considered’ the royal name ( and, it is implied, approved). But when the Herald made a request to see the minutes of the meetings, it turns out they didn’t exist.

Inviting this uneducated privately treated woman to Daimler up to Scotland to name  the hospital after herself cost over £100,000 ( this was only revealed after a Wings Over Scotland submitted a FoI request).

It looks unlikely that the hospital will be renamed. Naming a hospital after a royal is a risible idea, and I hope members of the Scottish government are squirming with embarrassment,

But at least Glasgow didn’t roll over and fawn. And that’s a start.

( despite the fact that -for once – this IS an interesting royal news story, it got very little attention, so please share on Facebook and Twitter and spray on the walls of royal palaces. Ta.)

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UPDATE: 12 November 2015 – having gathered over 16,000 names, the petition is now closed.

5 moments the royals proved they are Shit At Their Job.

The royals jobs description should be – Be a groomed toff, shake hands, smile and mute your thicko opinions. Some can do this ( *bows obscenely to Stepford Royal Wife Kate* ), some can’t.

Despite this imbecilic formula  – on an almost weekly basis they say something stupid, insensitive, offensive or utterly inappropriate. A pliant press fall over themselves to excuse their idiocy as ‘A Gaffe’ – as if, we should enjoy an Only Human moment of informality in the Buttock Tightened world of Royal Protocol.

Lets not call them ‘gaffes’. Lets call it Being Shit At Their Job

Racist, crass, embarassing and thick. Even his own son called him a bully.

Racist, crass, embarassing and thick. Even his own son called him a bully.

1. Prince Phillip bullies a wee boy to tears – at Salford University, Phil the Bullying Tyrant (  © Prince Charles ) meets a 13 year old kid who tells him he wants to be an astronaut. “You could do with losing weight” judges a man who lived his life in a palace surrounded by unctuous yesmen.

Poor Wee Fella. Horrible Old Shit.

The kid said afterwards “‘The other people were laughing but I didn’t find it a very good joke because I am sensitive about my weight. I felt like crying but I had to keep a strong face.”.

Poor wee Strong Face. PRINCE PHILLIP YOU’RE SHIT AT YOUR JOB.

Man of the (rich) people

Man of the (rich) people

2. Prince Andrew a Diplomatic Disaster: He turns up at Lockerbie and tells a grieving community that ‘it was much worse for the americans’. His best pals include a paedosadist ( see my vitriolic blog post Barely Regal ) and Gaddafi’s son. His marriage was an embarassment, ( 500k ? To be instroduced to Prince Andrew ? WHAT ? )  there’s the highly dubious  sale of his crass crappy house and the American government is laughing at his sheer stupidity as revealed in Wikileaks. He’s an arrogant talentless clown, and possibly a criminal. He was sacked from his role, but mummy slapped another medal on him and  he’s still wheeled out as if he’s working for the UK. Oh, and in case you’re all sadface for unemployed Andy,  this minger just spunked £13m on a ski chalet. Love the royals ? Then you Love His Pudgy Face and Want To Kiss Him with his dirty big venison breath tongue in yours. PRINCE ANDREW IS SHIT AT HIS JOB ( & should be questioned by the cops )

Dish du Jour

Actually, Anne, I’ll just have tea & a  biscuit

3. Prince Anne – Let Them Eat Horses – this is just one of those bizarre things posh people say. And it was pronounced at a moment when cheap horse meat had been found in poor peoples food, it was insulting .I mean, Anne doesn’t say much, so it was bizarre that this equine-a-holic blurted out that we should be eating Black Beauty. “If it doesn’t fart or eat hay she isn’t interested” said Prince Phillip ( ok, Revolters, we can admit that’s quite funny from the oul’ goat). PRINCESS ANNE – YOU’RE ACTUALLY OK AT BEING A MUTE TOFF BUT YOUR SHIT AT DINNER ADVICE.

68a9ae0c-9445-11e4-_831356b4. I’m not racist, I even pretend to be a half caste – Princess Michael of Kent once opined. This was defending herself after barking at black people in New York restaurant to ‘go back to the colonies’. Of course toffs being racist is indulged and overlooked in a way it would never be for ordinary folk. But even at that …Princess Michael of Kent is a Royal Idiot amongst Royal Idiots.  When trying to defend Prince Harry after nazi-gate ( Nazi Gate part I)  she said ‘most of the English believe the wogs begin at Calais’.  She said public breast feeding was a ‘dreadful practice’ and adding that she didn’t breastfeed because ‘my nanny said it was disgusting’. This horrible ol’ trout  may be a fringe royal but she is still patron of many charities and we’re supposed to tug the forelock to her…PRINCESS MICHAEL OF KENT, YOU’RE SHIT AT YOUR JOB.

5. Prince William – Lets Mock the Poorest  Having attended Eton ( poshest of posh), then St Andrews ( strategically forced to go to Scotland – think about it – to attend posh university ), then Sandringham ( posh army thing ) Prince

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Nastyness in the Heir

William and his posh officer mates dressed up as…. Britain’s poorest people ! What snobs call ‘a chav’. Hilarious ! Imagine being poor ! We will mock them for not having any of the opportunities and privileges we take for granted ! Ha Ha they wear cheap jewellery not the Crown Jewels ! And William even brandished a baseball bat – yeah that’s right, the poor are feral savages with violent tendencies…He’s NOT EVEN POOR, in fact he’s going to be the fuckin’ King ! What a LAUGH ! Geddit ? PRINCE WILLIAM – SHIT AT YOUR JOB.

Of course they don’t have to be good at their jobs. You and I can’t have their jobs. No one can. Your children can’t have Prince George’s job. In fact, Prince George can’t even have another job.
KNOW YOUR PLACE – either suck right up to those Windsors… or actively tell them where to shove it…
As ever, be a revolting dude or a revolting duderino and share via Facebook or Twitter. We’re up against relentless royal propaganda at all times.
Sharing this makes you like social media version of Che Guevara. And one retweeter will get a free motorbike!*
*not true.

They assume you love the Windsor Family

We’re relentlessly told that the Monarchy projects a good image of the UK on a world stage.

Er… posh, stale, bloodsport loving, thick, white,  boorish, military cloned hereditary Windsor Yahs –  is that what we want the world to think of first when they think of the UK in 2015?

I know the snootyness actually appeals to some  ( “oh gee I love your Downtown Abby” ) but c’mon we don’t sentimentalise rickets, or workhouses, or other symptoms of class discrimination.

I’ve battered on about the arguments against royalty here, there and everywhere, and Republic do it better at their Winning the Argument section. But sometimes logic doesn’t make people change their minds.

What’s important, is to change perceptions, to point out that the Windsors are naff. Are ugly and uncool. Are as appealing as Nicholas Witchell’s lesbian crushing bumhole.

There will always be Peasant Crown Monkeys who gimp it up for the camera….

People like this guy – who wrote Diana and Dodi’s name on his face every day at the Diana inquest. You’ll also spot him at outside their private hospital festooned in union jacks.

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“I’ve always been a Diana fan, but last year I woke up one day and decided to paint her name on my forehead – it just felt right,”

Ok, I’m a sarcastic snidey blogger and don’t want to be cruel to this man but clearly…he has a few issues. But again and again, the uk media and (embarrassingly) the international media love these ‘umble types, and play up the idea that they’re representative of attitudes towards the Windsors.

And who else do they count as a monarchists ?

You actually. The media default assumption is we all are. If Das Feudal Circus is in town and an office worker munching on tasty Greggs sausage roll dawdles over to the kerb for a gawp, they’re hailed by the press as a royal ‘well-wisher’, who ‘welcomed’ that vulgar big Bentley into town.

Anyone staring at the bizarre freakshow family is portrayed as in thrall to the monarchy.

And every criticism is shunned and buried, no-one draws attention to disinterest…

Consider the scandalous fact that Scotland’s newly opened hospital – built entirely with public money – was opened by the queen in front a few hundred folk, some of whom were keen to see the monarchy, some of whom were just hanging out.

For unfathomable reasons the hospital was named the Queen Elizabeth University hospital Glasgow ( despite the fact that the queen doesn’t use the nhs, hasn’t been to university,  and purred with pleasure down the phone to David Cameron when Scotland shat it at the referendum. Glasgow voted yes ).

So far so tediously predictable…

But wait ! Forget the 500 souls in the rain…what’s this – a petition to oppose naming the hospital after the queen you say ? How many signatures does it have after a week or so ?

At the time of writing…over 11,411.

Apart from a few reports in Glasgow’s local paper this gesture of people power is of course ignored. Buried in the Glasgow and West section of BBC Website.

Sign the petition. Put this article on Facebook / Twitter.

Don’t let them count you as a Monarchist.

People Behave Like Freaks Around the Royal Family

One of the  regular heavy boots moments in British civic life is when sane, smart people melt in the presence of royalty.

Whether it’s Wiggo kneeling down, or PJ Harvey scurrying off to Buckingham Palace to become A Member of the British Empire, a little part of me weeps every time someone  (formerly) cool accepts a gong or tugs the forelock ( even if they claim it’s for their nan. )

It doesn’t matter what the excuse – when the call came they obediently fell to their knees for a Sir or to get letter after  their name (  EPZ – Establishment Petting Zoo – in recognition that when asked to, they opted to place themselves above the people).

But the corrupt gong-a-dong world of honours is a post for a separate time.

What is it with normal folk becoming idiots in the presence of Windsors ?

Look at this video, of the Queen’s guard, presented to us so we can sneer….

The poor man was just distracted yet he’s shoved, shouted at and ridiculed. It’s horrible boorish behaviour by some tossers in red coats under the pretence of tradition. Yeah boys, you’re all fuckin’ heroes, why don’t you bayonet the poor old guy for Her Maj ?

But even more disturbing is this kind of behaviour. Again, here’s the clip….

The poor kid gets battered in the face by a soldier – AND NOBODY HELPS HER BECAUSE THE QUEEN IS MORE IMPORTANT.

Are they not human ?

It was like the time a pageboy collapsed during the Queens Speech and nobody reacted. In fact the royal press pack swooned at her callousness.

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Of course these incidents are accidents and not directly due to the pathetic Feudal Freak Show, but nobody present reacts. What is WRONG with these people ? A kid is hurt, a wee boy faints, and their priority is to ensure that nothing disrupts their precious grovelling protocol ?

Here’s how to react on a royal visit

Please tweet or Facebook this. Everyday we’re foi-grassed royal pish. Fight back.